How to Accept Gifts

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The holiday season is a time of gift giving. Last minute shoppers flood the streets the week before Christmas and New Years, scouring stores for that perfect present. Behind gifts are kind intentions and love, and finding the perfect present to reflect our feelings is difficult. So naturally, the internet is flooded with youtube videos and articles on "Gift Ideas for Him/Her", "Perfect Presents for Dads", "What Guys Want for Christmas", etc. However, receiving a present can be just as difficult as giving one. And advice in this department is incredibly lacking.


I consider myself an amazing gift giver. I am good at dissecting past conversations, observing habits, and discovering passions, all of which help in finding a present that he/she will appreciate. The art of giving gifts lies in understanding another person. Though I have always considered material items shallow display of love, I thoroughly enjoy giving. Receiving gifts on the other hand, has always been more difficult....because not everyone has a knack for finding the right present.

Take for instance, my father's gift to me: a winter hat. Not just any winter hat, a plaid, gray trooper hat that I swear was intended for the male gender. Upon seeing it, I was not enthralled by the beauty...or lack thereof. I like fashion, winter accessories, all that jazz, and this hat was not something that I pictured in my wardrobe. My first thought after seeing it was I'll take it with me to college and just never wear it. On the outside, I accepted it gracefully, saying it looked very cool. All the while, my father went on about how useful it would be in cold, northern weather and that there were "normal", "boring" winter hats (aka ones that I would actually wear) but this one caught his eye because he'd never seen anything like it (I wonder why...). My mother, who took a more traditional route (bath & body works lotion, portable charger), openly stated that I could return the hat for another item. That's the point of gift receipts, she said, it's  what everyone does with presents. I refused. To me, returning the gift undermined my appreciation of it, devalued my father's taste. And though he'd never admit, I knew it would hurt his feelings.

But now, the more I look at this dull deranged thing, feel its soft interior, the more I love it. No I had not intended for a hat like this in my wardrobe, and I have no fricking clue how to dress it. But spontaneity is part of the fun of accessories and fashion, and I always advocate wearing clothing outside one's comfort zone. Even if the hat looks goofy regardless of my attempts, I will still wear it. I will wear it because it is a token of my dad's love, which surpasses vanity, societal norms, and outside judgements. Because I love my dad, I naturally come to appreciate his presents because behind them is his unconditional love for me.

To accept gifts with grace, you must first appreciate the intentions of the giver. Receiving presents with genuine gratifaction is as important as giving amazing gifts. Only when you truly love that less-than-ideal gift do you surpass the superficial realm of gift giving, and come to appreciate the person behind the present.

In this season of gift-giving, remember to look past the present itself, so that the next time a family member presents you with unfashionable clothing item, you can look them in the eyes and truly mean it when you say, "I love it! Thank you. "

Falling too early

I have a problem with falling for guys too early.  Before I have had a full conversation with him, learned his favorite color, music tastes, food aversions, I am imagining him as a boyfriend, or worse, a husband. Such extremity in feelings is dangerous for the weak hearts. It causes us to feel too much for a shadow, and cry in excess over the end of nothing. The reason for this tendency is not low standards. I would consider myself to have rather high standards in romantic relationships- not just in the guy himself but also in his mutual affection for me. I think the cause is over-imagination. A projection of my woeful thinking onto him. Upon one glance into his intelligent eyes, I am conjuring up my own impression of this person, my caricature of him, my story. And it has nothing to do with him, really (besides that he's a great catch). It all stems from my subconscious desire to love. 

I try to deny it. No one wants to admit dissatisfaction. No one dares to admit a foolish craving. No one wants to want something so untamed. 

Some days are better than others. I usually block it out with other goals- remind myself of what's important: friends, family, school work, self-improvement. I try to make myself feel worthy of love by being the best version of me. And I remind myself that love comes when you least expect it, so I should stop being so damn expectant.
Other days, I indulge in the thirst, and soak in the artificial feelings of love created by music. Today was of the former. I couldn't help but glance everywhere for "him". But instead of wasting my time on youtube advice videos and sappy music, I decided to write this post. I would not dare share these thoughts with many people; and I think few have shared them with me. We all strive for an aura of "having our shit together", but really none of us do, or ever will.

We all wish we were not so vulnerable.

It's okay not to feel content. Like Billy Joel said, "Only fools are satisfied". But do not let negative thoughts consume you. It is important to be truly grateful for what we have, not just on Thanksgiving, but every day. I am grateful for the opportunities on my campus, the beautiful autumn leaves, my lovely roommates, my ever-supportive parents.

Remember to appreciate the important people who are already in your life. Wasting energy on a guy we barely know not only undermines your value, but also that of those who really care about you.

When you start falling too soon, remind yourself that he is not the solution to your problems. The loneliness stems from a deeper problem, often a lack of passion and personal satisfaction in your life. While you're pinpointing the root-cause, remember to take a moment and just appreciate where you are right now. Smell the fresh air, the wind in your hair, the sun warming your skin, and start loving it all.
Start falling for life.

Impatient Wanderer

You sat next to me. Introduction. "What's you're name," I ask. And I don't remember it because I'm too busy trying to stay cool.
Small talk. I liked your eyes.
We listen to the first lecture of our class.
Your body turns toward me, and say something I don't hear, but I smile anyway. Don't want to break this connection.
You're reserved, a little closed off. I want to break the shell.

Days, weeks. We're still on small talk. About the class really.
I realize you're good at this stuff. I like the way you think.

Now, we don't sit next to each other in class.
Some times we barely acknowledge each other.
Well, you barely acknowledge me.
You're still reserved.
Stoic.
Yet am I slightly breaking your shell?
I can't tell.
And I'm impatient.
I don't want to wait another day. Another week. I should've gotten your number from the start.
We can study together.
Now I don't know how.
We'll get there.
Maybe.

Maybe you don't want anything to do with me.
Maybe it was all in my head.
Maybe I just like the challenge.

Either way, I'm an impatient wanderer, hoping for something to happen.
I want too much from nothing because I never know what something means.
I float from woeful wishes, faces I do not know, waiting for my heartbeat to relax. Slow down. It should just happen. It shouldn't be so hard.

Floating is fun anyway. You see different sights, colors, textures, tastes, and do not know where you'll anchor. But I'd like to know...I am impatient.  I am done waiting for the right sound, time, place, smile. I want it to happen now. I want to be warmed by his voice. To throw on his oversized jacket. I want to press my lips against his and experience a lapse of mind, time, space, feeling-- all coinciding into one, this one fragile movement, this one promise of togetherness in a single kiss.

These are the thoughts of an impatient wanderer.

A letter

Dear You,

I admit it. I was never good at this love thing. The vulnerability.
And I'm sorry if I messed with your emotions, if I went hot then cold, and never seemed to be fully interested. I never thought of it as a game, I was never playing. I was simply a naive girl whose heart raced when you came around, who thought you'd understand my smile. I thought it would all eventually happen, fall into place without me having to work for it... because you would. I'm sorry for being a coward, for doubting every kind intention and envying everyone else you talked to. I'm sorry I couldn't be the bold girl who'd rock your world and make life easy.
I just barely believed it true, me and you, because who am I anyway. Who am I to catch your attention? I'm nothing special, just a goofy gal with crazy dreams. I don't have a fun life, no extensive knowledge of movies or tv shows, nothing. But you, you're all of that and you've snatched your dream, so why me. Now? What's the point. I'm sorry for barely believing in any of this. I'm sorry we'll never enjoy what could have happened, left to forever wonder what if.
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry for confusing you, ignoring you, hurting you. A million excuses cannot deny the truth. I was too passive. I didn't try enough. I messed up. And now, that initial spark is gone.

So let's stop ruining each others day. Agreed?
Cheers to the end of a non-existent, barely formed relationship.
Amidst all of the emotions, there must be some damn lesson to be learned. For now, I can't stop thinking I wish I knew you better. I wish I could have held you, with the reassurance of some mutual understanding. I wish I could have called you mine.

So long to those fantasies, it's time to face reality. You're not and will never be mine.
Just promise me one thing. When you're out there making history, falling in love, and being an overall amazing person, remember us and laugh. Two silly teenagers unable to figure this love thing out. It's rather humorous, in some bittersweet way.

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Embrace the Awkward Silence

Crushes can turn the best of us into little furballs that cannot enunciate words, crash into poles, trip on calm air, and utter complete nonsense. With that crush, our heartbeat quickens and we feel judged by everything we do and say, so tense silences and embarrassing mishaps are bound to happen. During a recent conversation with a guy that I'm starting to really like, there was an abundance of teeth-wrenching silence and feeble attempts to say something- it made me wonder whether we were just incompatible or simply unable to break that tension. Although such a decision of incompatibility or mere tension depends on the relationship, I've noticed that most awkward silences are due to the accumulation of feelings that two people are too scared to acknowledge openly. Amongst the thick air, unspoken words linger, and without the small talk and laughter to hide in, we feel exposed. Vulnerable.  As if everything that we were feeling or wishing for is being tested. It's hard to show off that banging personality when there's a ruckus of confusion going on inside you.

Awkward silences are bound to happen between two people who have feelings for each other, and the more you feel, the more awkward it can get. Embrace that lovely thick air of crickets chirping because the silence is caused by two people, so he's probably feeling the same. Of course to move the relationship into something more, one of you needs to find some guts and break the ice, but that will get easier once you're more comfortable around each other.

It's all right to feel awkward, fidgety and plain foolish with that special someone.  Don't run away from the tension and instead embrace it. That's romance and love for ya.

He loves me, he loves me not.

A girl always swoons over the guy holding doors for her, and the one who gives flowers just because they reminded him of her. She thinks such romantic actions signify his affection for her and thus falls madly in love: lost in a lustful daydream filled with future wedding plans, life together....
Reality. Check. Now.

Girls, do not be fooled by a romantic guy who flourishes you with compliments, flowers, and chocolates. These "cute" acts of love are worthless if they are all he does. Flowers die in two days, chocolates are bad for the teeth, and we are capable of holding our own doors. 

So look beyond these frivolous actions when evaluating a guy's affection and instead focus on his ability to work hard, make sacrifices, and compromise. A guy who really loves you will take 5 hours out of his day to drive you to the airport, alter his schedule just to see you again, and change his bad habits to win your heart. He'll actually make your life a little easier by washing the dishes, cooking, cleaning around the house. A man who's worth your time will know the importance that commitment and effort has in a strong relationship. The other sweet nit bits are icing on the cake, not the cake itself. So do not become so mesmerized in the little, momentary actions that warm our romantic hearts, and remember that a man's true character lies beyond sending a bouquet of roses.

Peace, love, baby ducks,

-InkSister 

"Not Pretty Enough"

Insecurities happen to the best of us. But do not ever let your insecurities dictate your life. Do not ever think you are not good enough for someone.

Insecurities come in many kinds, but today, I'm focusing on beauty because my own physical insecurities inspired me to write about this. Many times, I see a good looking guy and think "Geez his eyelashes are four times longer than mine, his eyebrows are on point, his face structure....He's prettier than I am.... he'll never fall for a plain faced me".

Girl, don't you ever think like that. First of all, you're already limiting the way you are perceived by being less confident. Second of all, every guy has a different taste. A girl one guy thinks is hideous will be beautiful to the next. And third of all, the most important point: your personality will outweigh your looks in the long run. It's undeniable that guys are visually stimulated, we all know and hate that (unless of course, you're banging gorgeous). But everyone, even the immature boogers, will eventually love the gal whose personality shines through. Making him lust for you only requires some makeup and cute clothing. But enticing a guy's heart to the point where he falls madly in love with you -- that takes someone who is beautiful on the inside. 

So don't get so caught up in your physical traits, and instead work on being the best person you can be. There's no such thing as "not pretty enough".

10 Point Scale to Rate Attraction...um

Warning: this is a rant. read at your own risk ;)

I've recently been reading the blog "The Rules Revisited", and while Andrew writes really insightful

posts, his constant use of the 10 point scale to describe women irks me. I get that men like to have some standard type of rating, and that the scale is completely subjective to a person's taste. And if their peers all use it, it becomes an easy form of communication. But is rating a potential partner with numbers that necessary? I have never rated guys using the 10 point scale, but maybe some women out there do. Or maybe men tend to use it more than women.

Either way, I think the scale is stupid. If you like someone, you like him/her due to a culmination of looks, personality, achievement. And sometimes you guys simply click. Using the 10 point scale turns the whole romantic endeavor into some game. You start looking at potential partners like you would a painting, and everyone wants to snag the best one. People  are not linear and love is not a video game you can defeat. Love is more like a reckless adventure full of emotion and confusion. 

Using a scale sucks the enjoyment out of what you are experiencing.

And there's something else that bothers me: people love judging a couple based on their so called "difference in points", by saying how strange a 4 girl is with an 8 guy or vice versa. How superficial. In relationships there are aspects to a person so much more important than looks. When you're married for 20 years plus, what's holding the marriage together will not be your relative attractiveness. You guys need to compromise, understand each other, and communicate. In successful relationships, there will be a deeper connection that others may not see on the outside.

So if you haven't figured by now, I believe the 10 point scale was invented by naive 15 year olds with nothing better to do.
What do you all think about the 10 point scale? I'd love to know.

-InkSister

Mannequin

A shadow in the headlight. A presence you barely know. But somehow his aura entices, invites, and strangles until you only have a blazing fire left. And you only have the two phrases, or looks, or imagination to fuel that fragile flame. But it is a flame nonetheless, and you keep it tucked inside the depths of your heart. So is the way of meaningless lust and far fetched fantasies that confiscate our being. Maybe it was his eyes, or his shoulders. Maybe it was the way he walked, or how he looked at you as if you were a somebody. 

So run. Run away from the shadow. Do not let the fire consume your entity, do not get burned before you even feel the warmth. Do not let the sparks confuse you. They are only lost bits of the fire, not awakened stars. 

And you, you are only the fleeting bluejay that once passed his path. 

A presence he never knew.

Being Single Rocks

This one is for the single nuggets out there. 

I'm single. Been single for 17 years and running. So my dating experience is a big fat zero, and I like to just tell myself I'm a "late bloomer". Sometimes, I imagine how sweet having a guy would be: the kisses, strong hugs, late night talks, warm fuzzy feelings every day...oh I could go on and on. He'll be there when I'm sad and I won't feel so alone in the world.
And other times, I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Am I some hideous being, or horrible at social interactions? Well yes, probably a tad true actually... >.<

I'm sure my fellow single ladies out there can relate. 

But despite the benefits of being in a relationship, I realize that it's not all that it is cracked up to be. Being in a relationship requires time, energy, and emotions. And I don't know if I'm ready to dedicate so much of myself for one booger (aka guy).

So I am content with being single. Actually, I'm absolutely, bumbling happy being single. I can flirt with whoever I want, and beautify myself not to impress some guy, but to make me feel good. And, at this point, I'm still learning to love myself. I am trying to accept my insecurities and feel confident every day. Not to mention, as a senior, the next four years of my life are on the line in the form of college applications. Oh dear. 

So I'd rather make sure I'm the person I want to be, before welcoming a guy into my confused soul. 

If you're also a single chick or a single guy, enjoy da single life. Mingle with others, make friends, widen your connections, and most importantly, make sure you're absolutely content with being alone. You should be happy on your own, instead of depending on someone else to make you happy.
You don't need anyone else to complete you.

Complete yourself.

With love,

-InkSister

THE KEY TO ATTRACTION

Hey nuggets, today's post is on another loveydovey, romantic topic:

attraction.
Attraction is a tricky little devil because everyone has different tastes. And sometimes, we cannot even pinpoint the cause of our own attraction toward someone. I know first hand because I've crushed on all kinds of guys, and for half of them, I did not know why I even liked them. I just did. Simple as that.

Fast heartbeat. Rush of happiness. Non-stop replay of our interactions. 

But now, I realize a similarity: eye contact.

Eye contact is essential to communication, and when a potential partner gives you a full on gaze, them butterflies kick in. Locking eyes with someone, even a stranger, is an intimate experience because as the saying goes "eyes are the windows to your soul". Although I don't know about the whole "soul" thing, it's true that our eyes often display the emotions we feel. Strong eye contact portrays confidence as well, which is always an attractive trait.

It's a simple and easy flirtation trick that will make you seem interested, yet not desperate. So when you're out there trying to attract your crush, try looking him/her in the eyes. Subtly of course. Don't want to come off creepy ;) 

Hope this helps you guys in your romantic endeavors 

-InkSister

Types of Crushes

There are plenty of different crushes out there. Which one are YOU experiencing right now?

1) Friend Crush: This is the most common type. You start off friends, get to know him, then bam: them darn feelings and jitters start. It's especially complicated, annoying, yet heartwarming when your friend crush is your best friend.

2) Celebrity Crush: One of the more silly crushes, especially if this celebrity has a girlfriend, wife, or kids. There's a 99% chance of it never working out, yet you hold onto that 1%: hope with all your might, stalk his social media, and drool over his pictures. 

3) Stranger Crush: Another silly crush, but at least you've seen this guy in person ;) He's the guy who's in your 5th period class, working next door, getting lunch at the same time, working out on the treadmill next to you
. You've never talked to him, and know only snippets of information. Sometimes, you don't even know his name or how his voice sounds. You have this idea of the guy to fuel your desire. That is all. My advice: try getting to know him ;)

4) Never-Ever-Happening Crush: This is a crush that you know will never occur. Some celebrity crushes will definitely fall into this category, but friend crushes can as well. These crushes are off limits: he's your friend's crush, another girl's longtime boyfriend, etc. You know it's not possible...yet...you guys would be so compatible together... Oh the agony. My advice: Quit dreaming. I know it's harder said than done, but tis possible girl. You can do it.

5) Unreciprocated Crush: He just does not like you back. No matter what you do, how pretty, how funny, how awesome you are, he does not feel the same. These crushes can be heartbreaking and annoying to no end. Don't worry, we've all been there. And it sucks, I know. :(

6) Going Smoothly Crush: Now this is the kind of crush we all envy. The kind that has barely any complications. He actually seems to like you back, you guys connect from the beginning, and sooner or later, you'll probably be dating each other. If you're experiencing this kind of a crush, girlll, you lucky. And tell me your secrets >.<

So here are the most common types of crushes. Having a crush is like going on an emotional roller coaster. It can be frustrating, devastating, time-consuming, or...sometimes, great.

But don't forget that crushes can work out. Some boys, men, boogers, whatever you call them, are decent and worth your love. Until then, we're stuck here simply crushin'.

Peace&Love

InkSister