Friday, December 26, 2014

Power of hope

Hope is a powerful thing. It amazes me how we cling on to the seemingly "impossible", the 1% chance, that one in a million. No matter how bleak anything seems, we continue to hope, to fight for it. In Grendel, the protagonist Grendel is angered by how humans sung songs of hope and preserverance despite having their village destroyed by him. There's something beautiful and unique about our ability to hope. It gives us life, a sense of purpose in spite of every obstacle that is in our way.
Life is not one bit easy. We'll crash and burn, fall flat on our face. Failing is a horrible feeling, and sometimes things work out eventually, sometimes they don't. Right now, as I am writing a gazillion more essays for regular decision colleges, I am terrified of failing again. And again. At the same time though, my past disappointment is driving me to improve. To write some damn beautiful essays. Besides, I should be grateful for the opportunity to attend college, the many options that I have at my feet.
This post has become a complete ramble because I'm thinking about a lot of things. There's a whirl of doubt, mixed with desire, hope, dreams, and annoyance that I have slacked on other activities that make me happy, such as music and running.
I want this college thing to work out so badly, and at this point, no I am not content with how it's playing out. And I want this love thing to work out, but who knows how this whole hot and cold mess will end. Most likely bittersweet. But then again, having desires is not bad because it just means we care. I care about my future, about all of my hard work paying off, and I care about this person, perhaps too much,  though I try not to admit it even to myself. Sometimes caring means we'll get hurt. But caring is the only way we'll achieve something greater in life. Don't be afraid to care, I've been there and it's suffocating. Instead remember that disappointments, heartbreak, whatever else you call it, will be a test of your strength and determination.
So defy those odds, go reach your dreams, and be that one in a million.