A letter

Dear You,

I admit it. I was never good at this love thing. The vulnerability.
And I'm sorry if I messed with your emotions, if I went hot then cold, and never seemed to be fully interested. I never thought of it as a game, I was never playing. I was simply a naive girl whose heart raced when you came around, who thought you'd understand my smile. I thought it would all eventually happen, fall into place without me having to work for it... because you would. I'm sorry for being a coward, for doubting every kind intention and envying everyone else you talked to. I'm sorry I couldn't be the bold girl who'd rock your world and make life easy.
I just barely believed it true, me and you, because who am I anyway. Who am I to catch your attention? I'm nothing special, just a goofy gal with crazy dreams. I don't have a fun life, no extensive knowledge of movies or tv shows, nothing. But you, you're all of that and you've snatched your dream, so why me. Now? What's the point. I'm sorry for barely believing in any of this. I'm sorry we'll never enjoy what could have happened, left to forever wonder what if.
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry for confusing you, ignoring you, hurting you. A million excuses cannot deny the truth. I was too passive. I didn't try enough. I messed up. And now, that initial spark is gone.

So let's stop ruining each others day. Agreed?
Cheers to the end of a non-existent, barely formed relationship.
Amidst all of the emotions, there must be some damn lesson to be learned. For now, I can't stop thinking I wish I knew you better. I wish I could have held you, with the reassurance of some mutual understanding. I wish I could have called you mine.

So long to those fantasies, it's time to face reality. You're not and will never be mine.
Just promise me one thing. When you're out there making history, falling in love, and being an overall amazing person, remember us and laugh. Two silly teenagers unable to figure this love thing out. It's rather humorous, in some bittersweet way.

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Just me.

I don't know how to start this blog post, and honestly I shouldn't even be writing anything because it's 8:30 and there's a pile of untouched work to be done. But as usual, I defy my priorities and instead feel a great need to write something from the heart per say.
I could easily write in my diary instead of typing a personal essay and posting it online, but for some reason I'm digging this method more. Maybe it's because the idea of an international network of thoughts and words is thrilling and I want to contribute. Or perhaps I simply feel like I'm using my time for "a greater cause" when I click publish. Either way, writing is cathartic and I could use all the mood boosters out there. So here it goes.

People say I am lucky to live in an idealic neighborhood, a house. To have parents still married. They say I am happy all the time, that I am smart, talented, pretty, perfect. But no one sees the girl that is awake in her bed worrying about everything that has or will go wrong. The girl who stares at her reflection, unable to see beauty, and everyday lines, shades, and buffs her face into one that she is satisfied with. The one who doesn't remember how to relax.
They don't see the anguish of having parents who have given up on each other. Or the way she never fights for the love she wants. How scared she is of losing someone.

People see the image that we portray. The one that we build like a wall to hide our insecurities and fears. I am exhausted trying to mask my imperfections and hide my unhappiness.
So tonight, I am keeping it all raw. Real.
Recently, I have been terrified of crushed dreams. Of disappointing others. I am terrified that my workaholic state will prevent me from enjoying the little things and that my life will be full of never ending disappointments. Simply put, today has not been a good day and everything seems to be crumbling.

But I like to end blogs on a positive note. Though crying is a great way to let emotions out, soaking in the misery is a waste of time and plain unhelpful. I have no idea what my intent for this blog was, but hey, not everything has to have a purpose. Sometimes, we just go with it, and see where we end up. Hopefully, it's a somewhere wonderful.

Shadowed Thoughts

Shadows loom in every corner of this house,
remnants of the unforgotten past.
They haunt the inhabitants, suffocating
break the fragile carefully built triangle,
until all that's left are fragments too shattered to be mended.
And they won't leave, these shadows never leave
They exist in the broken insults spit with venom
The lingering, hateful silence.
They torment us until all good pure memories
are gone forever.
Only silence now. As if this house is some divided country.
No more screams, arguments, soar throats-- no more fight
because they gave up. She on him. He on her.
Shattered glass sprawled on the floor they once danced on,
Dreams of everlasting joy rot in untouched corners,
Soft tears dry into numb acceptance.
Nothing to do now but soak in the eternity of a failed marriage.

So this is what broken love feels like.

Hello 2015, bye to rotting resolutions

A new year is always bittersweet. Bitter because 2014 is officially over, showing just how time sweeps us further and further into the future. Sweet because it feels new, exciting, fresh.

I am not making new years resolutions because they never carry out. Instead, I am a strong advocate of consistently making goals throughout the year, whether it's January, March, October, etc. With that said though, I have started a little project for this year: a jar of happiness, aka "goodie jar". It's going to be filled with memories of a random happy day, a special event, goals accomplished, and all that. A happy jar. Very excited to begin this documentation of everything great that happens this year. It's a way to not only look back and remember great memories, but also something that will motivate me to experience new activities and create happiness in my life. Finding every bit of joy in a normal day will be uplifting, and a damn great way to live.

Though new years are often overrated, full of spur of the moment resolutions, they are also reminders of improvements that can be made. Like a cold splash of water that awakes you from a zombie state of being. They scream at us to take charge of our lives or else another uneventful, dry year will pass before we can say "stop".

So before another year slips away, let's make opportunities, soak in all that this place has to offer, and enrich the world with our personalities, thoughts, and dreams. 

It's a new year. How will yours turn out?

Power of hope

Hope is a powerful thing. It amazes me how we cling on to the seemingly "impossible", the 1% chance, that one in a million. No matter how bleak anything seems, we continue to hope, to fight for it. In Grendel, the protagonist Grendel is angered by how humans sung songs of hope and preserverance despite having their village destroyed by him. There's something beautiful and unique about our ability to hope. It gives us life, a sense of purpose in spite of every obstacle that is in our way.
Life is not one bit easy. We'll crash and burn, fall flat on our face. Failing is a horrible feeling, and sometimes things work out eventually, sometimes they don't. Right now, as I am writing a gazillion more essays for regular decision colleges, I am terrified of failing again. And again. At the same time though, my past disappointment is driving me to improve. To write some damn beautiful essays. Besides, I should be grateful for the opportunity to attend college, the many options that I have at my feet.
This post has become a complete ramble because I'm thinking about a lot of things. There's a whirl of doubt, mixed with desire, hope, dreams, and annoyance that I have slacked on other activities that make me happy, such as music and running.
I want this college thing to work out so badly, and at this point, no I am not content with how it's playing out. And I want this love thing to work out, but who knows how this whole hot and cold mess will end. Most likely bittersweet. But then again, having desires is not bad because it just means we care. I care about my future, about all of my hard work paying off, and I care about this person, perhaps too much,  though I try not to admit it even to myself. Sometimes caring means we'll get hurt. But caring is the only way we'll achieve something greater in life. Don't be afraid to care, I've been there and it's suffocating. Instead remember that disappointments, heartbreak, whatever else you call it, will be a test of your strength and determination.
So defy those odds, go reach your dreams, and be that one in a million.

The agony of waiting

We have all had to test our patience at one point or another. And it sucks, doing nothing and feeling time ooze away second by second. The more important the thing you wait for is to you, the worst waiting will be because in this period of nothingness you can't help but go crazy.

Like most of my fellow high school seniors out there, I am currently waiting for a college decision for a school that I applied early to. Getting in would be a dream come true and I am positive that for at least a week after the acceptance, I will feel like the luckiest gal in the world. I have my post-acceptance plan all thought out out in my never-ending stream of fantasies and imagination: dance like a goof with my mother to "I'm sexy and I know it", go out to eat at one of those outdoor patio tables with my parents, and lounge around the house in my newly bought cozy onesie just to indulge in the euphoria.

 But as of right now, we shall wait, counting the days and hours (apparently it's less than 100 hrs) until decision day and agonizing over every weakness in our application. It's funny how while still in the process of the whole application ordeal, I looked forward to the waiting process because at least now, there's absolutely no more work. Boy was I wrong. Releasing all control to the almighty admission officers simply makes you feel powerless. Anxious. Insecure.  Now here I am, checking my application portal everyday fruitlessly for it remains stagnant, and taking part in the abundance of new posts on the college confidential forum filled with other anxious applicants. 

I don't believe everything happens for a reason because sometimes events simply happen out of mere chance, and there's nothing we could have done about it. However, I am a fervent believer that anything that happens to you will mold you and the way in which it does so depends on how you utilize the change. Instead of feeling nervous, we should feel excited. This, right now, is a turning point-- a pitch fork in the road that marks the end of one journey and the beginning of another.

Waiting sucks but changing your mindset can do wonders for those damn butterflies and doubt. There's so much of life to enjoy if we can walk this earth with a passion for reaching our dreams and a love for the journey that get's us there.

Feeling alone

The weight of her book bag pulls on her shoulders as she hugs her textbook, smiles politely at familiar faces, and sits in a vacant desk. Conversations, laughter, and pauses meld into a cacophony of noise that floats, gravitates away into a phantom of what it used to be. The headphones only partially block the noise, and for those few moments, she is the quiet observer- disconnected from all that is around her with soulful music as her comforting blanket. Something gnaws inside her, a vacant pit full of unwanted thoughts that imprison her whole being. She feels alone in this room full of people, this world full of everything, this universe of  empty spaces and entities billion times her size.

It's funny how with all this social media that makes communication easier, we still manage to feel so damn lonely. Maybe in a twisted way, social media causes us to be even lonelier than ever because we don't attempt to have face to face interaction as much, thinking that a facebook chat or text or skype is enough. But they're not. Deep down, we're still humans who desire that intimate connection only obtained from touching, looking into their eyes, and hearing their voice vibrate from their vocal cords. We still need to dispel our energy and soak in someone else's.

I've recently been really disappointed in two of those closest to me and that has resulted in me feeling incredibly lonely. I thirst for an intimate, heart to heart conversation where I can just spill everything that has been gnawing at my soul before it all explodes and gain some kind of closure in the process, but it has not happened. For a couple of reasons (some entirely my fault), this has been the worst Thanksgiving break for me to date and I've learned a couple of things in the process.

You have to first know what or who you want, and then do all that you can to obtain it. Rejection is a horrible feeling but regret is an even worse one. Knowing that there were so many things you could have done, and now not knowing if there even was anything in the first place will eat at you like no other.
You are responsible for your happiness. Yes there will always be toxic people but you can't let them control your perspective on life. If you want more friends, more interactions, then set up a study date or shopping trip. Trust me it's not a waste of time because the annoyed, depressed version of you will be far from productive.
And lastly, bad times will pass. They always do. I'm a firm believer that the things that hurt us will benefit us in the long run through the lessons learned. They make us tougher, emotionally matured, and we'll learn to appreciate the positive people, feelings, and experiences that much more.
It's Thanksgiving, a reminder to be grateful for what we do have. So let's all be grateful that we have family, a roof over our heads, ample food everyday, and a life we can say is ours for the making.

A Messy Concoction of Doom

Socks sprawled on the floor. Concealer marks on the dresser. Sweaters and tights from the past school week cling weakly to the chair like an unfinished paper mache....My bedroom has once again turned into a mess, and I, feeling proactive this morning, once again rearrange the misplaced pieces and scrub away the leftover stains.

I have come to the realization that I live my life much like the way I keep my bedroom, lazily allowing messes to be made and then cleaning them up weeks later. Carelessness and nonchalance are a dangerous combination. Sometimes, just as the stains cannot rub off completely, we cannot wholly correct our mistakes. The damage has been made and all we can do is watch it plague our lives.
Prevention is the best remedy that we have at our finger tips. Instead of letting the mess of our past dictate our future, we need to prevent a mess from occurring in the first place.

Doing nothing is really more detrimental than doing something wrong because in the latter, you at least did something. There are risks we need to take in order to gain something more from the world. Don't let the lazy beast inside you dictate your life until you suddenly reawaken from the daze and notice the crumbling ruins. Don't be the one who looks back on the past few years and realize that you let opportunities, experiences, and people slip through your fingers all too easily.

Though there are actions we can take to alleviate certain problems, many things in this world are out of our power to control, We cannot completely stop the daily bloodshed from destroying innocent lives or the pollutants from choking our planet. You cannot read his mind, or make that never-to-be guy love you. YOU are the only thing that you have complete control over. Everything else, everyone else, is a give or take battle.
It's time we take charge of our life instead of allowing it to trample over our cowering heads. These changes don't occur overnight, and granted my room has become more cluttered already, but at least there's brownie points for trying.

Loosened grips.

We would rather love than to not have loved at all, to try and fail than to do nothing. Why? Because regret sucks. It eats us alive as we replay the memories and wonder what could have been if only we had actually done something. If we had fought for it.

I like to consider myself a fighter, someone who is willing to work for what she wants, but recently, I have been anything but that. Instead, I'm in a turmoil of unspoken words, rigidly composed faces, sappy music binges, and fantasies that just never quite play out. Throughout this, there's a voice in my head reminding myself that guys are idiots, that he's an idiot, and that I should focus on what's important, which is focusing on my goals, getting into a college far away, and leaving the fermenting remains of my past behind.

But I am tired of running away from my failures instead of confronting them. I am tired of hiding behind these books, this forced smile, this persona of a perfectly content, strong girl, while feeling anything but okay inside.
I cringe to admit this because for some reason it makes me feel weak, less independent and plain immature, but going on a date and given flowers sounds amazing at the moment. Instead, I am at home in a gray hoodie with my hair in a sloppy bun, scouring youtube, writing this blog, and doing anything but what I desire (a movie date) or should do (homework...).

To feel love, we need to learn to love. Romance novels and chick flicks lead us to believe that one day, we'll be wooed by "the one" who is head over heals for us since day one, and fail to reflect the multidimensional aspects of romance. Love, just like everything else in the world, is not handed to us in a neat little package-- it's something we earn. Love is a connection between two people, who both contribute to arranging the pieces and creating a beautiful masterpiece.
If we want them to fight for us, we need to be willing to fight for them.

Change can be good.

After reading my past posts, I've realized 1) though this whole endeavor started as a beauty blog, I have not written a stitch of makeup/skincare related post in months, and 2) most of my other posts are me giving advice about one specific topic. There's no "me" in any of the posts, and that bothers me. I didn't intend for this blog to be simply full of advice on topics that I have not experienced or reviews on makeup that I lack the skill to use well. Truthfully, I did not know what exactly I intended to write on this blog because there were too many ideas running in my crazy, outlandish mind: makeup for fellow monolids, fitness sharing, health, skin, love, and the list goes on. There were even times I considered posting some of my never-before-shared poems. The end result of my desire to share everything resulted in me sharing nothing. 

I think it's partly because I'm not used to sharing my life on any kind of social media. I barely post on facebook and instagram, and have not checked my snapchat in months. It felt uncomfortable adding even a tid-bit of myself in my posts because I felt self-centered by doing so. Who am I, talking about my troubles and confusion? Who would even care? Besides, my own personal problems were personal, why share them to the world? I've been so used to having a safe, private bubble that opening up on this blog was hard. So I steered away from it.

With that being said, I'm all for stepping out of my comfort zone. Therefore, right now, this moment, I will step out of my shielded bubble of personal thoughts and feelings, and share a part of myself to the people of the internet...strangers. I'm seventeen, a senior in high school, so my experiences are limited, most from observations, and I've only had a taste of this world. But I have always believed that the journey is more important than the end result because there is so much to gain on a personal and social level from the ups, downs, and plateaus. So as my journey begins, I will share bits of it in carefully molded words and phrases.
It is time for a change, a good kind of change.

Embrace the Awkward Silence

Crushes can turn the best of us into little furballs that cannot enunciate words, crash into poles, trip on calm air, and utter complete nonsense. With that crush, our heartbeat quickens and we feel judged by everything we do and say, so tense silences and embarrassing mishaps are bound to happen. During a recent conversation with a guy that I'm starting to really like, there was an abundance of teeth-wrenching silence and feeble attempts to say something- it made me wonder whether we were just incompatible or simply unable to break that tension. Although such a decision of incompatibility or mere tension depends on the relationship, I've noticed that most awkward silences are due to the accumulation of feelings that two people are too scared to acknowledge openly. Amongst the thick air, unspoken words linger, and without the small talk and laughter to hide in, we feel exposed. Vulnerable.  As if everything that we were feeling or wishing for is being tested. It's hard to show off that banging personality when there's a ruckus of confusion going on inside you.

Awkward silences are bound to happen between two people who have feelings for each other, and the more you feel, the more awkward it can get. Embrace that lovely thick air of crickets chirping because the silence is caused by two people, so he's probably feeling the same. Of course to move the relationship into something more, one of you needs to find some guts and break the ice, but that will get easier once you're more comfortable around each other.

It's all right to feel awkward, fidgety and plain foolish with that special someone.  Don't run away from the tension and instead embrace it. That's romance and love for ya.

Untie those Knots.

Do you ever get that knot in your stomach that won't go away? It eats at you, but you can't pinpoint exactly what is wrong. Maybe nothing is and you're simply scared about all that could go bad. Maybe everything is wrong and you're just feeling all around crappy. Or maybe you're invested in a fantasy that may never happen. Either way, that knot sucks. Its a ball of stress and anxiety that keeps you from being productive. Hence why I'm here typing this blog instead of doing math homework....
My knots are study habit issues. That and a mixture of awaiting for college decisions and being a huge wimp in certain areas of my life (*cough*cough). We all have "knots" in our lives, and many times they hold us back. I am held back by my procrastination, stress, and desires that just ain't happening, and I am sure you guys are being held back by certain factors as well. Some of these factors are out of our control, while others we can change. So let's change what we can and hope for the best. Let's improve ourselves so that "bad feeling" stops eating at our soul. There's enough injustice and violence that goes on all around us, we don't need another war inside ourselves. So untie those knots and feel damn good about yourself in the process.

You Deserve Happiness.

If you want something, tell me, what is stopping you from obtaining it. Insecurities? Past failures? Fear? We all have them, these lurking excuses that we tell ourselves make us unworthy of what we truly want. But starting today, right now, at this very moment you read these words, forget those excuses. You deserve all the happiness in the world so do not doubt your abilities. Success in school or work is compatible with a wonderful love life. Whatever it is that you want- that guy, that social life, that dream job or college, is in your control. Of course there are always other factors involved such as chance, luck, or sheer incompatibility. But do not forget the percent that you can change. For instance, if you want this guy to like you, you cannot just sit in the background hoping he'll notice you. Instead, woman up and strike up a conversation. If you want that good test grade, study, study, and study again. If you want to be more successful, work for it and in time, you will reek the benefits.

Stop letting your regrets define you. There is so much to life that we cannot experience if we hold on to the past, or worse- impossible wishes. We can control our happiness through our mindset and actions. Never forget that.

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all". Oliver Wilde

Do you live or exist? It's your choice.

InkSister

He loves me, he loves me not.

A girl always swoons over the guy holding doors for her, and the one who gives flowers just because they reminded him of her. She thinks such romantic actions signify his affection for her and thus falls madly in love: lost in a lustful daydream filled with future wedding plans, life together....
Reality. Check. Now.

Girls, do not be fooled by a romantic guy who flourishes you with compliments, flowers, and chocolates. These "cute" acts of love are worthless if they are all he does. Flowers die in two days, chocolates are bad for the teeth, and we are capable of holding our own doors. 

So look beyond these frivolous actions when evaluating a guy's affection and instead focus on his ability to work hard, make sacrifices, and compromise. A guy who really loves you will take 5 hours out of his day to drive you to the airport, alter his schedule just to see you again, and change his bad habits to win your heart. He'll actually make your life a little easier by washing the dishes, cooking, cleaning around the house. A man who's worth your time will know the importance that commitment and effort has in a strong relationship. The other sweet nit bits are icing on the cake, not the cake itself. So do not become so mesmerized in the little, momentary actions that warm our romantic hearts, and remember that a man's true character lies beyond sending a bouquet of roses.

Peace, love, baby ducks,

-InkSister 

"Not Pretty Enough"

Insecurities happen to the best of us. But do not ever let your insecurities dictate your life. Do not ever think you are not good enough for someone.

Insecurities come in many kinds, but today, I'm focusing on beauty because my own physical insecurities inspired me to write about this. Many times, I see a good looking guy and think "Geez his eyelashes are four times longer than mine, his eyebrows are on point, his face structure....He's prettier than I am.... he'll never fall for a plain faced me".

Girl, don't you ever think like that. First of all, you're already limiting the way you are perceived by being less confident. Second of all, every guy has a different taste. A girl one guy thinks is hideous will be beautiful to the next. And third of all, the most important point: your personality will outweigh your looks in the long run. It's undeniable that guys are visually stimulated, we all know and hate that (unless of course, you're banging gorgeous). But everyone, even the immature boogers, will eventually love the gal whose personality shines through. Making him lust for you only requires some makeup and cute clothing. But enticing a guy's heart to the point where he falls madly in love with you -- that takes someone who is beautiful on the inside. 

So don't get so caught up in your physical traits, and instead work on being the best person you can be. There's no such thing as "not pretty enough".

How to Get Your Best Night's Sleep

We all know how important adequate sleep is, so I'm not going stress the need to sleep 8 hrs or describe the effects of sleep deprivation. Besides, some people can function on 7 hrs while others need a full 10 hrs to feel their best, so how much sleep you need varies. And when life is busy, it can come down to the fact that we just do not have time to sleep enough. So if your time is limited, but want to make the most out of the precious few hours of sleep you do have, read on my friend.

So first off, let's go over the two deciding factors for better sleep: sleeping faster and sleeping soundly.
These two factors go hand in hand and the tips I will provide can help you sleep faster and more soundly.

1) Cut down on your electronic usage 1-2 hrs before bed. The blue light from computers, television, phones, will make your brain think it's daytime. Daylight has more blue light while the evening has more orange, red light. When your body thinks it's daylight, it will suppress your melatonin production. Melatonin is a hormone controlled by light exposure and more of it will induce sleepiness.

2) Exercise during the day. Exercising will make you tired, which in turn will make you more drowsy when it's time to sleep. I personally feel like I get better rest after exercising. Just make sure you don't exercise too close to your bedtime because that will increase your heart rate and have reverse effects.

3) Keep a nightly journal. If you're one of those people whose minds go haywire once laying on bed (I am guilty of this), writing down your thoughts will help. Once you end the non-stop thinking, you'll sleep so much faster.

4) Associate the bed with only sleep..and sex. So don't live on your bed all day everyday, doing your makeup, eating, watching tv, doing homework on it. Once you associate the bed with sleep, you'll psychology want to sleep.

5) If you still haven't fallen asleep, get up. This may seem counterintuitive at first, but it works in the long run. If you feel like it's been a while and you're still wide awake, do not force your body to still sleep. By training your mind to sleep in less than 10 minutes or not sleep at all, you can be sure to fall asleep quicker.

6) Eat a melatonin rich food before bed. Now this doesn't mean have a great big feast, no feasts or bad. But an empty stomach is also bad. Oh the conundrums of life. Having a light melatonin rich snack about 30 minutes before sleeping will help you feel sleepier. Melatonin rich foods include bananas, milk, oats, tomatoes, and pineapples.

I hope you guys have learned something from my few tips. If you have a method of getting better sleep that works, I'd love to know.

10 Point Scale to Rate Attraction...um

Warning: this is a rant. read at your own risk ;)

I've recently been reading the blog "The Rules Revisited", and while Andrew writes really insightful

posts, his constant use of the 10 point scale to describe women irks me. I get that men like to have some standard type of rating, and that the scale is completely subjective to a person's taste. And if their peers all use it, it becomes an easy form of communication. But is rating a potential partner with numbers that necessary? I have never rated guys using the 10 point scale, but maybe some women out there do. Or maybe men tend to use it more than women.

Either way, I think the scale is stupid. If you like someone, you like him/her due to a culmination of looks, personality, achievement. And sometimes you guys simply click. Using the 10 point scale turns the whole romantic endeavor into some game. You start looking at potential partners like you would a painting, and everyone wants to snag the best one. People  are not linear and love is not a video game you can defeat. Love is more like a reckless adventure full of emotion and confusion. 

Using a scale sucks the enjoyment out of what you are experiencing.

And there's something else that bothers me: people love judging a couple based on their so called "difference in points", by saying how strange a 4 girl is with an 8 guy or vice versa. How superficial. In relationships there are aspects to a person so much more important than looks. When you're married for 20 years plus, what's holding the marriage together will not be your relative attractiveness. You guys need to compromise, understand each other, and communicate. In successful relationships, there will be a deeper connection that others may not see on the outside.

So if you haven't figured by now, I believe the 10 point scale was invented by naive 15 year olds with nothing better to do.
What do you all think about the 10 point scale? I'd love to know.

-InkSister

Mannequin

A shadow in the headlight. A presence you barely know. But somehow his aura entices, invites, and strangles until you only have a blazing fire left. And you only have the two phrases, or looks, or imagination to fuel that fragile flame. But it is a flame nonetheless, and you keep it tucked inside the depths of your heart. So is the way of meaningless lust and far fetched fantasies that confiscate our being. Maybe it was his eyes, or his shoulders. Maybe it was the way he walked, or how he looked at you as if you were a somebody. 

So run. Run away from the shadow. Do not let the fire consume your entity, do not get burned before you even feel the warmth. Do not let the sparks confuse you. They are only lost bits of the fire, not awakened stars. 

And you, you are only the fleeting bluejay that once passed his path. 

A presence he never knew.

Being Single Rocks

This one is for the single nuggets out there. 

I'm single. Been single for 17 years and running. So my dating experience is a big fat zero, and I like to just tell myself I'm a "late bloomer". Sometimes, I imagine how sweet having a guy would be: the kisses, strong hugs, late night talks, warm fuzzy feelings every day...oh I could go on and on. He'll be there when I'm sad and I won't feel so alone in the world.
And other times, I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Am I some hideous being, or horrible at social interactions? Well yes, probably a tad true actually... >.<

I'm sure my fellow single ladies out there can relate. 

But despite the benefits of being in a relationship, I realize that it's not all that it is cracked up to be. Being in a relationship requires time, energy, and emotions. And I don't know if I'm ready to dedicate so much of myself for one booger (aka guy).

So I am content with being single. Actually, I'm absolutely, bumbling happy being single. I can flirt with whoever I want, and beautify myself not to impress some guy, but to make me feel good. And, at this point, I'm still learning to love myself. I am trying to accept my insecurities and feel confident every day. Not to mention, as a senior, the next four years of my life are on the line in the form of college applications. Oh dear. 

So I'd rather make sure I'm the person I want to be, before welcoming a guy into my confused soul. 

If you're also a single chick or a single guy, enjoy da single life. Mingle with others, make friends, widen your connections, and most importantly, make sure you're absolutely content with being alone. You should be happy on your own, instead of depending on someone else to make you happy.
You don't need anyone else to complete you.

Complete yourself.

With love,

-InkSister

How to Be More Productive

With summer almost ending, our lives are going to be much more hectic. And busy. And full of work. And stressful. We need to get our lazy butts off the couch and actually do stuff...yay....Since we will all need some motivation and inspiration, here are some tips for being more productive. 

I'm no perfect human, and I still struggle with keeping up with a schedule and actually doing everything I plan to. So maybe this will help both of us hehe. 

Let's try to better ourselves, end procrastination, and reach our goals.

1) Be more organized. Organizing everything you need to do in a planner will subsequently organize your own thoughts and mind. 

2) Prioritize what's important. Is planning for that party really more important than studying for tomorrow's test? Is texting your crush more important than doing your homework? No sweetie, they aren't. So do what's most important first. You're brain's still fresh and it'll make you feel like a weight's lifted off your shoulders.

I should listen to my own advice hehe, since I'm currently writing this blog when I should be writing college essays...

So you're not alone. Many of us could use some improvement in our habits.  ^.^

3) Do NOT get distracted. Like many, I am a victim of wandering thoughts and daydreams. So I
understand how hard it is to concentrate on a boring task when your mind is buzzing with other things. You're thinking about what he said that morning, the test next week, what you'll wear to that dance, what you'll eat tomorrow...everything but the work you have in front of you. Concentrating will need a strong will. It's almost like giving up drugs if you're an addict (okay maybe not the best analogy).

But you can do it. I know you can. We'll work on it together.

4) Give yourself awards after completing something. For instance, you can allow yourself a break or a snack once you're done with studying. This will motivate you some more and allow a positive reflex in your mind. Kinda like giving a dog a treat after he does a trick. Yes I'm comparing us to dogs. I used to eat chocolate or something before working because it made me less stressed. Do not do that. Eat that chocolate after working :D

I hope these tips help! I know they're easier said than done. Changing bad habits and being more productive will require a lot of will.
I find that with most things in life, we're battling ourselves. They're often the hardest battles to win. But once you do, you'll feel uplifted and accomplish so much more.

So hang in there my friend. You can do it.

-InkSister